Tuesday, January 01, 2013

My Little Frog

The picture above is of an ultrasound of our baby at about 7 weeks.  While we, my wife and I, were watching the screen we both thought the same thing.  The baby's shape looked like a sitting frog.  Therefore we nick-named the baby, "Frog".  I couldn't wait to scan the picture into the computer and trace it out and share it with others to show my new bundle of joy off to my friends and family.  And for anyone that thinks the other little spot is ANOTHER baby, it's not.  It's the yolk sack, we double checked.

Like with our other children together, we started planning out how things would change, and so forth.  We would spend a few extra minutes in the baby section when we were getting clothes or diapers for our other little ones, and think about whether it would be a boy or girl, and what kind of outfits we wanted to get.  Bringing a life into this world seems to have an effect on the mind that makes some people constantly visualize the future with an imaginary child sitting in the buggy instead of a bump on your wife's/girlfriend's belly.

Sad to say, we lost our little Frog 12/30/2012.  That was the first time I had seen an ultrasound and no movement or anything.  My world dropped off in that very moment.  What seemed to make it worse for both my wife an I, was the doctor sent her home, and made her get a second ultrasound the next day, and then proceeded to remove the lifeless child from her.  The day was New Year's Eve.  It seemed like everyone that day could only say, "Sorry for your loss, Happy New Year."  For that very reason I will disable comments on this post.  I'm not posting this for any sympathy or feedback.  I mentioned in an earlier post that this is the start of something that I intend to pass on to my other children to give them a little more insight into some of the things that they may not understand now.  This isn't our first child that we lost.  This was my second and her third loss.  We have our ways of dealing with it and aren't looking for any outside help.

I look at it from a natural point of view.  I have raised and even hatched my own chicks before.  I have seen eggs fully mature as expected and then a few days before they should start pipping (breaking from the shell) a blood-ring appears, meaning that the chick died.  If it was close enough to have a somewhat formed chick in the egg, I would open it to see what happened.  The most common occurrence I saw was a malformed chick, which wouldn't have survived long if it had hatched on schedule.  With that in mind, I can look back and find some peace knowing that the child didn't have to suffer, and that we wouldn't have to watch it suffer and then have to mourn even longer for a child that we have actually held and started the entire bonding process.  That may seem somewhat selfish, but it's the truth.  All in all, I don't want any living thing to suffer, and I wish everything was always perfect, but it's not.  That's just how it is.  I don't have to like it, but I can accept it.

I know a lot of my posts have been, from what I recall just sitting here, upbeat, positive, or just plain food oriented.  This may be a sad time in my life, but I will carry on.  So, I want to end this in a positive way.

Things in life don't always turn out how you want them.  That doesn't mean everything stops.  It might slow you down, or even stop you cold in your tracks for a moment, but you still have to pick up and drive on.  Handle each and every obstacle fully and move on.  Don't let it make you a cold and heartless person either. Everyone goes through down times.  Some people even feel at times that it will never end, but it will.  The only thing I have ever found that will keep a person down is themselves.  For every excuse you make to not be happy, is a lost opportunity to find a way to move on and be happier.

I hope that this finds the right person and lifts their spirits enough to keep on trying.  Don't give up.

One of the best way to feel better about yourself, and help someone else, might just be doing something good for someone other than yourself.  Pay it Forward.