My Little Frog

The picture above is of an ultrasound of our baby at about 7 weeks.  While we, my wife and I, were watching the screen we both thought the same thing.  The baby's shape looked like a sitting frog.  Therefore we nick-named the baby, "Frog".  I couldn't wait to scan the picture into the computer and trace it out and share it with others to show my new bundle of joy off to my friends and family.  And for anyone that thinks the other little spot is ANOTHER baby, it's not.  It's the yolk sack, we double checked.

Like with our other children together, we started planning out how things would change, and so forth.  We would spend a few extra minutes in the baby section when we were getting clothes or diapers for our other little ones, and think about whether it would be a boy or girl, and what kind of outfits we wanted to get.  Bringing a life into this world seems to have an effect on the mind that makes some people constantly visualize the future with an imaginary child sitting in the buggy instead of a bump on your wife's/girlfriend's belly.

Sad to say, we lost our little Frog 12/30/2012.  That was the first time I had seen an ultrasound and no movement or anything.  My world dropped off in that very moment.  What seemed to make it worse for both my wife an I, was the doctor sent her home, and made her get a second ultrasound the next day, and then proceeded to remove the lifeless child from her.  The day was New Year's Eve.  It seemed like everyone that day could only say, "Sorry for your loss, Happy New Year."  For that very reason I will disable comments on this post.  I'm not posting this for any sympathy or feedback.  I mentioned in an earlier post that this is the start of something that I intend to pass on to my other children to give them a little more insight into some of the things that they may not understand now.  This isn't our first child that we lost.  This was my second and her third loss.  We have our ways of dealing with it and aren't looking for any outside help.

I look at it from a natural point of view.  I have raised and even hatched my own chicks before.  I have seen eggs fully mature as expected and then a few days before they should start pipping (breaking from the shell) a blood-ring appears, meaning that the chick died.  If it was close enough to have a somewhat formed chick in the egg, I would open it to see what happened.  The most common occurrence I saw was a malformed chick, which wouldn't have survived long if it had hatched on schedule.  With that in mind, I can look back and find some peace knowing that the child didn't have to suffer, and that we wouldn't have to watch it suffer and then have to mourn even longer for a child that we have actually held and started the entire bonding process.  That may seem somewhat selfish, but it's the truth.  All in all, I don't want any living thing to suffer, and I wish everything was always perfect, but it's not.  That's just how it is.  I don't have to like it, but I can accept it.

I know a lot of my posts have been, from what I recall just sitting here, upbeat, positive, or just plain food oriented.  This may be a sad time in my life, but I will carry on.  So, I want to end this in a positive way.

Things in life don't always turn out how you want them.  That doesn't mean everything stops.  It might slow you down, or even stop you cold in your tracks for a moment, but you still have to pick up and drive on.  Handle each and every obstacle fully and move on.  Don't let it make you a cold and heartless person either. Everyone goes through down times.  Some people even feel at times that it will never end, but it will.  The only thing I have ever found that will keep a person down is themselves.  For every excuse you make to not be happy, is a lost opportunity to find a way to move on and be happier.

I hope that this finds the right person and lifts their spirits enough to keep on trying.  Don't give up.

One of the best way to feel better about yourself, and help someone else, might just be doing something good for someone other than yourself.  Pay it Forward.

Another Year in the Books

Today, technically yesterday because I haven't been to bed yet, I celebrated my 32nd birthday. What better time to reflect on your life than when your celebrating it, right?

First off, I want to make mention of the people that are no longer with us. I won't make a list or mention names, because there are probably some that I would forget unintentionally. There are quite a few people I have met over the years and even shared part of my growing up with that are no longer here. I don't just mean family, but friends and acquaintances that I feel have passed before there time. Whether they were good or bad people, they still had some impact on my life, and most of them shall be missed.

Next, I will move on to the people that aren't here yet. Huh? Well, person, more so than people. I'm sure there are more people that I will meet through the rest of my time here, but there is only one that I am waiting for right now. I'm about 9 weeks into being a Daddy again. I'm so excited. I can't wait to meet him/her.

I was spending some time with my wife tonight when my best friend called to wish me a happy birthday. We usually talk for lengths of time and ply catch up on what's been going on in our lives. There's usually a portion of our conversations dedicated to reflecting on the past. Mostly about drunken escapades and basic tomfoolery while growing being young and free. I've been told that people would probably pay to listen to us talk because it would be so funny at times while remaining witty and intelligent. A majority of our talks end up being philosophical at times as we analyse our past and think about the future. I find it very therapeutic to have someone on the same wavelength that doesn't take offense to the truth, which I hope is given in return. I tend to drift off in thought about how things were just mere years ago, and how much has changed. How much I have changed myself. I was barely driving and helping babysit my little cousins when I swore I would never have kids of my own. Now I have a growing family of 7 (in July 2013). I think of past careers and compare myself to teenagers I see working today. I recall every stupid thing I can remember and just take a moment to rejoice that I made it 32 years, and that I learned my lessons thoroughly enough to make it even further. I look back at anything good that I have done or tried to do, and smile knowing that I tried to make things a little better where I could. I try to hold on to the inspirations I see in so many ways, like the entire reason I started this blog. I read a blog entry about "Baby Avery" whose parents documented her time on Earth in a blog which they still run and update even after their child's passing due to SMA. It reached out to me and inspired me to do something. I don't really know how helpful this is to anyone, unless they are using the few recipes I put on here, but it makes me happy and content, so I will continue doing it. If anything, whoever reads my entries to the end will always see the phrase, "Pay it Forward". I know I didn't create the phrase, but it is something I believe in and wish to pass on and maybe inspire someone else to do some good.

Now, on to the future. To be completely honest, no one knows what the future holds in store for us. I know I have sat here and written a little bit about my past and present. I had full intention of writing about my future. But the fact remains that dwelling on the past and hoping on the future only does one thing. It takes you focus off now. I'm not saying to forget everything you've ever done. I'm not saying that it's wrong to dream. Know where you came from and focus on what you're doing, and you'll end up where you're supposed to be. Learn from your mistakes and dream big. Keep your mind on what's going on right now because that's all you really have is right now. One second at a time. Grasp it. Cherish it. Own it.

And while you taking control of your own destiny, do something good for someone else along the way. Pay It Forward.

A Proud Papa Moment

I know I already wrote a post earlier today, but this one is more of a journal post than an article. I wanted to share a collection of moments that just touches my heart, from a Daddy's viewpoint. My wife and I rarely go out anymore whether it be because of a lack of time, lack of money, or just pure lack of "get-up-and-go". We finally got to go out by ourselves the other night (Thanks Grandma!). While we were out we took pictures of each other to share on the "Socialwebs" that we got a date night. We finished our date and got back home. My wife saved the picture of me as the wallpaper on her phone and our youngest daughter saw me on the screen. The screen only lit up for about 10 seconds and would go out. Our daughter took Mommy's phone and was playing with my picture and looking at me grinning. When the screen went out though, she would literally throw the phone back at Mommy (we know throwing stuff at Mommy's isn't nice, but we made the exception because it was so funny to watch). She threw the phone back until Mommy would turn the screen back on, which she would play with my picture, and turn towards me and grin. This cycle went on for a while. Below is a video I shot of her before we stopped and got her ready for bed.







My other daughter, "Critter" is older and is also my little shadow.  She refuses to let me out of her sight most of the time, and she wants to do, or help do anything that Daddy does. Since she is older, we do quite a bit of stuff together, that Buggy will get to do when she gets older too.  I have posted a few YouTube videos including her doing the little things...wait a minute, let me say that a different way...I posted videos of her doing things that are common and simple to me, but mean the world to her.  And that's all I really look for, is trying to find ways to make wonderful memories with my children.  I'll post some of her videos below if you care to see them, or you can visit my YouTube channel by clicking the tab at the top of the page.















These are just a few of my Proud Papa moments.  They happen all the time, and if I posted every one of them on here, I don't think I would ever get a break from writing.  So girls, when you get older, and if you ever read this, Daddy loves you.  You better KNOW it.
Now, it's time to go play with my "youngins".
Remember, do something nice for someone else.  Pay It Forward.

Who will you be tomorrow?

Yesterday I was the guy that works outside all day to try and make his home look presentable. Today, I'm the man that is enjoying some downtime with the kids. Who will I be tomorrow? Regardless of my chore or job for the day, I believe I am the same man. Every day I try to be a good role model for our future generation. Whether it's my children, other's children, or anyone else that notices me whether I know it or not. I'm not perfect and I don't claim to be. I watch scary/violent movies and I use foul language at times. In today's society, that is more acceptable than it was many years back. It doesn't make it right, but easier for people to swallow, so to speak. Many people would say I should be categorized under "A**Hole", and that would probably be true. But they would also have to say I am a fair and moral "A**hole". Only because of how stubborn I am about being as fair as possible and honestly trying to do the right thing. I try to instill these traits into the next generation, with the exception of the stubborn part. I default that to my genetic make up. If I can make my impact on just one person, but hopefully more, I think I have fulfilled my task that I charged upon myself.

I read an article several years back that talked about Adolf Hitler's DNA being used to clone him and creating another ruthless dictator. Without reciting the entire article, it pretty much said it would be nearly impossible because Hitler's entire life could not be forged from his DNA, but only by living the life Hitler actually lived. I thought to myself, "What would happen if Hitler was cloned, and I raised him?". Would one of history's most notorious people go from a German speaking Nazi rallying for world domination by eliminating all but "the perfect race", into a Southern speaking city boy with country upbringing that rallies for world peace by trying to infuse everyone INTO a (for lack of better wording) perfect race. By race, I am not talking about color, but the HUMAN race as a whole. I thought it would be funny and kind of cool at the same time. How would you have changed Hitler's clone if given the opportunity?

Using the example of Hitler from above, I would almost like to see it done just to prove whether good or bad is learned or genetic. My argument would have to be for learned. I honestly believe that the things we do today affects what happens tomorrow, and that we are truly in control of our own futures. Sometimes things happen by chance, which I leave to the variables of life. Nothing about life is 100% predictable. But I do thing it is "guidable". If someone wants to be rich, they have a few options. One would be, go to school, get your diplomas/certificates/degrees and pursue the money you desire to the top, or start your own business and run with it until you reach an apex. Another way would be to invent or create and sell your ideas or stories. Then there is my way. I chased the money, and even found it for a while. I made very good money doing a very easy task that only required a few weeks of training, and a keen eye for detail. After a few years I was laid off and that money went away. But I still feel I kept the riches, and here's why. Yes I made good money at that job, but that job is also where I met my wife, and started my family. A family is all I ever really wanted in life. I set forth the events in my own life and achieved the outcome I wanted. The only variable was applying for a job and meeting the woman I love which somehow fell in place within a year's time.

There was a whole chain of events that lead up to me having a family of my own, but I held the reigns for most of that journey. If you want the most out of life you have to jump up and grab it sometimes, or you will miss it altogether. Let nothing stand in your way when you find what you really want in life. Don't be anyone's puppet either. They have their own life to live, as do you. Make the absolute best out of what you have in life, and try to attain those things you want included in with it.

I know that life is complex, but it can generally be broken down into two paths. Good or bad. I even have my own ratio as to what I go by to determine whether someone/thing is good or bad. I use a 70%/30% rule. I even try to live my own life by this rule. I'll explain it briefly, and answer any questions below. It's pretty simple. 70 is more than half (using a 100% scale). 70 is also more than double 30 (30% completes the 100% scale). Now this is where personal judgment and morality takes over. When I try to judge whether I think a person or thing is good or bad I give them a score like you would a math test in high school. If that person or thing rates close to or above a 70, I deem that that person or thing is "good". I think that 30% is good enough to cover the negative stuff. For example, I'll rate myself. I would give myself between a 75 and 80. That gives about 20%-25% to cover the bad stuff I know I've done, and even the things that I've done wrong, when I felt it was for the right reason. I know a lot of people don't feel it's right to judge others. I don't walk around judging everyone. I use my judging system the same way a bank uses your credit score. If you have bad credit, they won't lend you money. If you have a bad rating with me, I don't need you around in my life. Same concept with a different application. Your credit score changes depending on how you manage your finances. A "credit score" with me changes depending on how you manage you choices in life. If you steal and lie, don't try to be in my life.

I hope that something I have written here will provoke some thought or inspire some positive influence in your life. I know that I talk about negative things, or things that may SOUND negative, but I always try to have a positive outlook or find a positive outcome when I can. I don't do it to the point of living in a fantasy, but sometimes when you're down, it makes life a little easier to cope with. There's no need to be down in life, cause it just brings you down. When people talk for a long time others say that person is long winded, so when someone types a lot, are they long-fingered? I think I have written quite a bit on this, and it's time to move on.


As always, do the right thing, and do something good for someone else. Pay It Forward.

Who and What.

Who and what are "Critter and Buggy"?  Those are the nicknames given to my two daughters, among many others.  Granted this entire blog won't be completely about my daughters, but I also won't hesitate one bit to put something about them on here.  Like any proud father, I talk nonstop about my kids, so it isn't too far-fetched for me to name something after them.  This entry won't be very long, basically because I don't have a lot to write about right now.  I was getting tired of seeing a blank page where my blog should be though.  I decided to start this after I read about another family that was documenting their sick child's life.

The inspiration fueling this blog was baby Avery, a child diagnosed with SMA.  I still don't know all the details about the disease other than it is fatal in nature.  I'll include a link to their blog at the bottom of this article.  There, you can find out more about the disease and also see how moving the blog is.  I considered it both awesome and sad at the same time.

I didn't start this to copy their idea, and I highly doubt this is 100% original in concept, but I felt compelled to write again.  Whether it be about inspiration, a new recipe, my kid's activities for the day, or just plain old anything.  I've been trying to video different things through the years and put them on YouTube so that when they were older they could readily go back and see how things have changed, and hopefully show their own kids.  To go along with that, I kind of want to have written word for my kids, grandkids, and so on to read from me.  That way even after I'm gone, they can still get a sense of who I am/was.  Maybe even add on to what I have and start a tradition to keep on rolling through the family.

Please take a moment to read about baby Avery.  I hope you find the story as moving as I did.

Baby Avery Link: http://www.averycan.blogspot.com/

That's all for now.

Do something good for someone else, pay it forward.

Bill Shelton