My Little Frog

The picture above is of an ultrasound of our baby at about 7 weeks.  While we, my wife and I, were watching the screen we both thought the same thing.  The baby's shape looked like a sitting frog.  Therefore we nick-named the baby, "Frog".  I couldn't wait to scan the picture into the computer and trace it out and share it with others to show my new bundle of joy off to my friends and family.  And for anyone that thinks the other little spot is ANOTHER baby, it's not.  It's the yolk sack, we double checked.

Like with our other children together, we started planning out how things would change, and so forth.  We would spend a few extra minutes in the baby section when we were getting clothes or diapers for our other little ones, and think about whether it would be a boy or girl, and what kind of outfits we wanted to get.  Bringing a life into this world seems to have an effect on the mind that makes some people constantly visualize the future with an imaginary child sitting in the buggy instead of a bump on your wife's/girlfriend's belly.

Sad to say, we lost our little Frog 12/30/2012.  That was the first time I had seen an ultrasound and no movement or anything.  My world dropped off in that very moment.  What seemed to make it worse for both my wife an I, was the doctor sent her home, and made her get a second ultrasound the next day, and then proceeded to remove the lifeless child from her.  The day was New Year's Eve.  It seemed like everyone that day could only say, "Sorry for your loss, Happy New Year."  For that very reason I will disable comments on this post.  I'm not posting this for any sympathy or feedback.  I mentioned in an earlier post that this is the start of something that I intend to pass on to my other children to give them a little more insight into some of the things that they may not understand now.  This isn't our first child that we lost.  This was my second and her third loss.  We have our ways of dealing with it and aren't looking for any outside help.

I look at it from a natural point of view.  I have raised and even hatched my own chicks before.  I have seen eggs fully mature as expected and then a few days before they should start pipping (breaking from the shell) a blood-ring appears, meaning that the chick died.  If it was close enough to have a somewhat formed chick in the egg, I would open it to see what happened.  The most common occurrence I saw was a malformed chick, which wouldn't have survived long if it had hatched on schedule.  With that in mind, I can look back and find some peace knowing that the child didn't have to suffer, and that we wouldn't have to watch it suffer and then have to mourn even longer for a child that we have actually held and started the entire bonding process.  That may seem somewhat selfish, but it's the truth.  All in all, I don't want any living thing to suffer, and I wish everything was always perfect, but it's not.  That's just how it is.  I don't have to like it, but I can accept it.

I know a lot of my posts have been, from what I recall just sitting here, upbeat, positive, or just plain food oriented.  This may be a sad time in my life, but I will carry on.  So, I want to end this in a positive way.

Things in life don't always turn out how you want them.  That doesn't mean everything stops.  It might slow you down, or even stop you cold in your tracks for a moment, but you still have to pick up and drive on.  Handle each and every obstacle fully and move on.  Don't let it make you a cold and heartless person either. Everyone goes through down times.  Some people even feel at times that it will never end, but it will.  The only thing I have ever found that will keep a person down is themselves.  For every excuse you make to not be happy, is a lost opportunity to find a way to move on and be happier.

I hope that this finds the right person and lifts their spirits enough to keep on trying.  Don't give up.

One of the best way to feel better about yourself, and help someone else, might just be doing something good for someone other than yourself.  Pay it Forward.

How many friends will I have after this?

Above this text you will see an audio player.  I highly encourage you to play this and listen to it.  If you agree with it, please share it.  If you agree or disagree with it, I want to know why.  Fill in a comment below.  Now.  What is this all about?  It's about a touchy subject I have been hearing about for the past day or so.  It's about letting Gays and Lesbians get married.  I've heard the arguments and slander from both sides, and understand both sides of the argument.  I have my own belief, which does side with the Gay and Lesbian side, but I feel from what I've seen, it may be for different reasons.  Let me lay it out for you.

If you want to understand where my point of view comes from, listen to it above.  I'm just going to write out the basics here.  The only debate I see being thrown up as to why homosexuals should NOT be allowed to get married is strictly religious point of view.  When does religion dictate law?  My question to those with that debate is, "What about people that have a different belief?".  Are they wrong for having a belief that doesn't coincide with yours?  What about homosexuals that do follow the Bible and understand their sins, and they are prepared to pay for that sin in the afterlife?  I can't personally quote the Bible.  I don't feel the need to, or even want to.  But I have read it, in different versions, and have a fairly decent understanding of it.  I'm not a scholar, but I have a good idea of what I'm talking about.  That would be, as with most religions, they are open to interpretation.  Now, for other people that maybe don't follow the Bible, or have completely different beliefs altogether... What does YOUR Bible and YOUR beliefs have to do with THEM?  Don't take me the wrong way.  I am not trashing Christians or their beliefs.  I am trashing the belief that the Bible and God are the ONLY beliefs available to people.  It doesn't matter to me if someone is Atheist, Baptist, Pagan, or Voodoo High Priest.  What does matter to me is that people have something to believe in.  Even an Atheist believes that there is no higher being.  They stick to their beliefs.  They don't push their beliefs onto others.  But they will respond when the time calls for it.

Like the title of this blog mentions, I don't really know how many friends I'll have after this.  But as I think about it, I think I may know the answer.  If I lose a friend over this, they weren't a friend to start with.  That means my answer would be, "All of them.".  All of my friends will still be there after this.

If you listen to the entire clip, please follow the call to action.  Do what you feel is the right thing, and stand up for what you believe in.  If any portion of the audio or this writing motivate you or inspire you, please share it with others in the hopes that your passion will pass along with it.

Do something good for someone else, and Pay it Forward.

What about you?

My family and I were outside doing some yard work today.  It never fails, when I work outside my mind wanders to pass the time.  Here lately my mind keeps going back to the same topic.  I'm not going to share a lot of in depth information, but I will share enough to try and make an inspirational point at the end.  Hopefully someone out there will digest this and make some use of it.  Here goes...

It wasn't very long after high school I lost my father.  So I took every chance I could to surround myself with friends and family, and try not to feel down about my loss.  I really try to be an upbeat and happy-go-lucky kind of person.  I mourned and grieved like anyone else would who loses a close parent, but I also wanted to find a light to follow out of the darkness I felt I was embedded in.  I worked a regular schedule and tried to run a home.  In my free time I would find something to go out and do with my friends or family.  At the time I always had somewhere I could go, or something to do.So I would say I did a great job of occupying my time and staying busy to stay out of "the darkness".

What had started out as occupying my time seemed to take a slight twist which I loved.  I was the "Go To Person" for most of my family, and a few of my friends.  Anytime they needed something I was there.  If they needed a designated driver, I was there.  I was part of every family function, and never left out of anything.  I was the person that anyone could talk to in confidence, and could take a secret to the grave.  Everyone had my number, and I always answered.  I could go on for pages about the things I did or was, but I think you get the idea.

This went on for about 8 years or so.  That's a pretty good amount of time to be there for everyone.  That time seemed to honestly fly by because I loved doing it.  But now, let me introduce the dilemma.  I now have children of my own and a loving wife.  I feel that I have gone above and beyond in trying to include my new family in with my old family.  I have called, visited, met with, and anything else I could do to have my children know the rest of their family.  I feel like the family "I used to have" has no use for me now.  I have 2 friends that I actually talk to on a pretty regular basis.  I have family members that used to call me on a daily basis that haven't picked up the phone and called me in years.  I don't hold any grudges against them.  They all must have some sort of reason, whatever it may be.  But it does hurt that the closest people in your life seem to forget about you.

Now, hopefully it is time to pass on some motivation and inspiration.  I'm a grown man.  I can handle the situation I have been talking about.  I didn't write this for anyone's pity or sympathy.  I wrote this to make you think.  Is there anyone in your life that fit my description above?  Do you think you are one of the people I was talking about?  Who's that person you used to hang out with, but seemed to of lost touch with? Do you have any idea how it might just make that persons day to get a call or a letter, an email, text message, something that makes them feel remembered?  What if you tried to rekindle the relationship you once had?

My overall point is try not to become so self-absorbed that you forget about, not just the ones you love, but quite possibly the ones that truly love you back.  And just in case someone I was actually writing about reads this, I still love you like I used to.  I just hate it ended so soon.

And remember, do something nice for someone else.  Pay It Forward.